Jump In, Head First

Do you ever feel as though you have no clue what is going on around you? do you ever feel completely lost, scared, panicked, but exited, anxious, and happy all at the same time? Recently I have been the most unpredictable, moody, black and white, unstable person to be around... And I apologize to everyone who is around me....I often feel as though I am trying to find the many puzzle pieces to my life, and than I am trying to match them and slide them together...Except for it isnt always that fun.. Let me put it this way: in order to get to the prizes and good times, you have to live through the challenges and overcome the obstacles. As I am growing up into adulthood I realize how important every decision is we make, and how I must carefully follow my instincts and use my brain, balancing the two. Yes I will make mistakes, yes I will be lost, and yes I will learn and grow stronger and wiser with every step....That's the beauty of life.
so why do I panic, shut down, freak out?.. How ever you want to call it...
love, life, my future, my friends and my family are all swimming around my head...At this point in my life my friends are the most stable factor, and I don't know what I would do without them. (jenny penny and I, rommates and soul-mates!)
In one week I am moving from Michigan State to live with my sister Eva in Richmond for the summer. I am exited to finally be able to bond and hang out as two independent young women. I will need Eva's continuous nurturing touch, loving personality, and sweet and hilarious sense of humor... I feel the need to be recharged, refocused at this point of my journey... Tuned up, kind like an old car. In September I am moving to Milan to study fashion design at Istituto Marangoni (an incredible door opening for me educationally, and personally). It has been my dream for years now to pursue fashion, and I am still coming to terms with the reality of it actually happening. I have not truly fully been able to picture myself studying in an all fashion institute, and working in the field for an a long time... I mean , I have dreampt it many times, but never thought it could become a reality! Now that it is one, I gotta tell ya, I am pretty nervous. Is that wrong? I know I am horrible at making decisions about my life, and the idea of picking one thing and sticking only to that in some way scares me... but than I think of how passionate I am about the fashion industry, about how I want to design, be a business woman, travel, speak many languages, be involved in fashion shows, photo shoots, magazine spreads.... I get goose bumps just thinking of it... That to me means something, and must not be ignored!
My best friend Emily told me once that sometimes in life you just have to jump in, full force, head first... Is it going to be scary? YES. Is it going to be unsure and possibly not the right thing? YES. But, will you ever know if it may be the best decision you have ever made or the worst until you try? NO. You must live to experience life.

open eyes

Does it ever happen to you that right when you think that your life is a total mess, and that no one could possibly have it worse, You get a wake up call. Something clicks, you bump into someone or something that makes you snap out of it. I've learned to remember how blessed each and every one of us are, and to always keep our eyes open.
Life is so interesting, I mean who decides who we meet, and where we go....just think:
Lets say that every day you walk straight for 1 mile, than turn right and 5 blocks down get a coffee around 9 am, and than walk straight across the street to your class. You may see some same faces every day, you may chit chat with the guy who makes your green tea..... well try picturing yourself waking up, and instead of walking straight for 1 mile, you zig zag through the blocks, you than turn left instead of right, and after 5 blocks go to the coffee shop around the corner and say hello to someone new, than go to class at 9am.
How many new faces and places did you see by just changing your morning routine? what makes us take that first step towards new openings and new experiences? is it a natural innate desire, curiosity to expand and grow? well, if that was the case than a lot more people would travel, and be more extroverted, maybe less stuck in routines and comfort zones....A lot more people I think would be more open minded about life, and I truly believe that ultimately we would all be a little bit more humble. Why humble?.. well I think that one of life'’s biggest lessons is to know how to humble yourself. We need to realize that we are just a tiny little ingredient in this huge world. I also think that when one is humble, he/she is more open to any experiences because there is no arrogance, no sense of superiority.
.....I am only 19, and sometimes i feel older, or would want to be older... other time i am content at 19, and enjoy being this young and really try to act as a sponge taking in life through any and all pores. But even in this short time I have learned that shit happens (excuse me for my terminology, but its really the best way to phrase it). I don't know if everyone is like this, but I certainly enjoy feeling in control of all situations occurring to me. I really dislike not knowing, and being in that grey area...But most challenges are out of our control, and the hardest lesson is learning to trust that whatever is happening is for a reason, and faith (not necessarily in a religious sense, but just in a spiritual way) acts as our guide.

I am at a point of my life now where i need to make some very big decisions (is life always like this though?). What do i want to be when i grow up? what do i want to study..Or better what are my passions, my dreams...what drives me...what makes me smile, and feel high? what do i see myself enjoying as a carrier not necessarily 20 years from now, but more so 5-6 yrs from now?
Strangely related to this, I have also begun to realize how much love begins affecting you as an individual (and consequently affects your decisions) as you and your relationships mature. I find myself deeply in love with an incredible man..and the feeling is in itself beautiful, but it is definitely one of the hardest things i have ever experienced. Love is painted as this wonderful emotion that fills your life with joy and passion. Yes, it is true.... but i am learning now that to reach that level ofecstasy you have to really struggle, and fight..Love doesnt come easy for many reasons. I dont think people would take it as seriously, appreciate it nearly as much, or understand its true value and importance in life if it was easy to find and keep.

OM

Selon la philosophie indienne, la matière a été crée à partir du son et Om est le plus sacré de tous les sons, la syllabe qui précéda l'univers et engendra les dieux.
C'est la "syllabe-racine", la vibration qui maintient la structure atomique du monde et des cieux. Ainsi, tous les objets solides ne sont que les manifestations des sons primordiaux.
Om est utilisé comme une invocation ponctuant la prière et le chant sacré, il joue un rôle similaire au Amen judéo-chrétien.
Dans la pratique yoguique, la récitation du Om constitue une partie fondamentale des techniques de méditation auditive.
Om est représenté par un pictogramme stylisé visible sur les murs des temples, les affiches électorales, les calandres des bus, des camions.


Om est constitué de quatre parties, trois éléments phonétiques et un silencieux. Les 2 premiers représentent la montée du feu lumineux du Linga universel et la matrice des eaux cosmiques. Cette fusion de l'eau et du feu apparaît dans le pictogramme lui-même où une ligne courbe émerge de la forme du signe qui ressemble à un 3. Le quatrième élément, figuré par le point ou bindu sis au dessus du croissant de lune, symbolise "l'esprit absolu" du brahman (force sacrée qui oeuvre en toute chose) qui réside dans les trois autres éléments.

emerson..

"To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!" - Emerson

Places and faces

ciao, bonjour, and hello.... welcome to my blog, a space where i will express my thoughts, dreams, questions, findings, and just random tid-bits ... A place where pictures like these of some of my favorite places and faces will be posted.. This is me, millions of colors, textures, smells, tastes and emotions...

I find my life to be filled with unexpected and interesting paths... I usually decide to glide down the most mysterious ones, you know so its more exiting. In the past two years I have met some of the most amazing people, interesting to the point of mesmarizing me... I have lived in Paris, visited Milan quite often, returned to Philly, and am currently (and yes very randomly) living in Michigan.... I have learned so many difficult lessons about life, myself (the hardest), and definitely love. O, and i know that i am just getting started on this wonderful journey through life!

I have not traveled nearly enough to satisfy my hunger for adventure or exposure to new and inspiring colors, sounds, sights, textures... and yet i am so very blessed to have already been given the opportunity of growth in other lands.
I just had a friend ask me why i would want to have a blog?
well i am a very expressive person, i love writing anywhere..napkins, business cards, match boxes.. and i jot down single words that i think of, or that i find inspiring in some way... i may even just write a question, a song, a long letter.... I also have the tendency of stashing pictures in my folders, or if printed posting them in my room on walls or in books... i love finding quotes and keeping them, or giving them to someone.

This blog i think will just be a means for me to do all of this and share it with those who i know, and possibly those who i dont yet (...meet new people just as out-there as i am, hear what they have to say)
Also, because i plan to continue traveling often I like the idea of my friends in the States, France, Italy, Dubai, Australia...wherever.. to be able to stay in touch in a different way than letters, emails or phone calls...make sense? ya